Five reasons why vinyl is superior to compact disc

The argument over which is better, vinyl or CD, has been raging now for over three decades, and a discussion that likely won’t go away any time soon. At first, we were told that these shiny little discs would offer the listener “the best possible sound reproduction – on a small convenient sound-carrier unit.” But audiophiles quickly responded, declaring that digital music was significantly inferior to analogue. Were they right? Well here are five reasons why they were.

5

Vinyl holds more information

Hard as it is to believe, that 12” piece of plastic, invented in the 1880’s, spinning round the turntable actually contains more data than any standard compact disc, at least in terms of Kilohertz, or kHz for short. For a CD, the music is compressed in order to fit within the format, meaning that what you’re listening to has been squashed to a mere 44.1 kHz, whereas vinyl holds a whopping 96 kHz, more than double of what a CD can hold.

In other words, LP’s win hands down when it comes to the information stakes.

4

Vinyl makes you feel all warm and fuzzy

Don’t laugh. According to a report by scientists, unlike CDs, hearing music at 96 kHz generates alpha waves in the brain, making us more relaxed and might even help reduce depression – which means that Record Store Day is actually doing its bit in maintaining the mental health of audiophiles the planet over.

So don’t worry about what your psychiatrist says, throw away those pills and play some vinyl instead. Just so long as it isn’t Nick Drake.

3

CD’s just plain suck

Those in the digital music industry will endlessly tell you that there is absolutely no difference between LP and CD, and that any variation in sound is purely in the mind of the beholder. But that’s bullshit. As many audio engineers and musicians will often say, there is an enormous discrepancy between the two, so much so that vinyl, if played on the right equipment, is like comparing an 8 cylinder engine to a 6 cylinder.

But not only that – all that propaganda on the CD’s indestructibility is total rubbish – because so delicate are they that the slightest scratch will render one obsolete before you know it, which means that you’ll be purchasing The Best Of Bette Midler over and over again (even if it isn’t you who keeps on scratching it).

So if you’re a fan of Britney Spears, you’d be better off downloading her albums from The Pirate Bay and saving them to your computer, guaranteeing that her music will last for hundreds of generations to come, thus playing an important role in preserving Western culture as we know it.

2

Women love a man with a big vinyl collection

Forget about Brut 33, blokes, if you want to attract some serious female action, you better start working on your LP collection. Every house has a shelf full of CDs, sure, but a bookcase crammed with vinyl is guaranteed to impress the opposite sex. It also means that you are a gentleman who has impeccable taste and is unafraid to stand out from the pack amongst all those laser optic loving audio-ignoramuses.

After you’ve poured the wine, just gently slide out that original U.K. pressing of Trout Mask Replica, or better still, a near mint copy of Herman’s Hermits Greatest Hits (preferably a 180 gram re-pressing from Poland), and the woman of your dreams will fall into your arms in no time, I promise.

1

Vinyl will make you more intelligent and a better human being

OK, I admit that that claim is complete crap, but according to certain scientists, whose names shall remain unknown, lest they be discredited by their peers, those who collect vinyl and religiously replace their stylises every few months, seem to have a higher IQ level than those who get around listening to music through IPods, as this story seems to prove.

Which suggests one thing, and one thing only – that vinyl lovers aren’t going anywhere anytime soon – unlike all those pedestrians and joggers (dying in the name of health), they’re listening to music in the security of their own home, rarely leaving the house, safe in the knowledge that what they own, is what owns them.